after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
