I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I want her autograph on my taint
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I need to align my fucking chakras
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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