he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
