she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
