I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Bring me that man meat
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
