he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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