I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
