It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
my being single is dangerous.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
