he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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