Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
