Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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