Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Randomize
