You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
