May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Randomize
