I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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