I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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