No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
