ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
