i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
