I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
3 2 1 whiskey
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
