me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
