You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
