Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
