went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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