the condom got lost in my hair
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
