can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
