you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Randomize
