and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
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