Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
We talked him into tasing himself.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
