I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
