the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
