so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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