I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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