i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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