It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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