Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
