i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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