Where is the hickey?
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
