I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
