at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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