I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
