I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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