You're so nebulous sometimes
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
did you just send me my own nude
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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