I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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