just come out here and I will go home with you...
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
They have beer where we have blood.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
