You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
