remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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