So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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