he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
