I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
